Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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