I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
