i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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