i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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