He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need to sanitize my soul.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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