Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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