If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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