I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
