I look better un-naked...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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