he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
