what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
