my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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