I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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