i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
