Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
