once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
