you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
