Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
