My hand turned me down
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize