i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
