Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
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We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
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I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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