I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize