Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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