Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
