hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
