Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
