I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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