Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
