Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
do nipples grow back?
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