why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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