At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
