Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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