Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
