I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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