my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
this just has baby written all over it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
