Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.