White coat. Heels.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE