I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
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Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
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Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."