She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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