just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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