i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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