I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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