omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
