When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
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Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
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When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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