she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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