How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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