he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
