If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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