Pants 0. Shit 1.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
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how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize