Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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