This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
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My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
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You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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