I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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