i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
