walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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