my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My life is pants optional.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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