my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
