i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
