Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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