the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sorry my hands just texted you
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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