her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
