i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
