literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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