I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How's work?
Spinning.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
