I hate all girls vehemently.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my phone needs a breathalizer
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
